Scandinavian Festivus for the Best of Us!

First off, Happy Presidents Day! I hope that this holiday passes very smoothly and unlike my last holiday, which wiped me out and left me missing from blogland for several (many) days. However, I have returned and am happy to report that everyone in Burniland is currently healthy and has been keeping down breakfast, lunch and dinner which is why we have no food in our house and Karl practically ripped my head off this morning asking "Why didn't you buy any waffles?!" (Yes, we purchase waffles - I do not own a waffle maker. Don't judge me!)

OK, it's true, my son was very rude to me, but in his defense, he was in the process of gnawing off his arm for sustenance and if that doesn't make a boy cranky - what does?

Why being forced to dance in the annual town Scandinavian Festival, of course. (Man, what a segue!)

One lousy cinnamon toast breakfast PALES in comparison to the first weekend in August if you're a boy growing up in Junction City, Oregon, population around 5000 now, 3500 when I left in 1988. Karl should thank his lucky stars that his biggest worry in life is processed breakfast food freezer inventory and the appropriate toaster setting. (You set it too low - moist and mushy waffle. Too high - hockey puck.)

For many boys his age, life is not so easy. Boys who have (or have had) the extreme misfortune of being raised in JC by "parents with town pride" (aka "killjoys"). For these poor unfortunate souls, life is full of horrors far greater than burnt or missing waffles. (Insert creepy horror movie music right here. Violins approaching a crescendo. Clueless characters who do not seem capable of interpreting the tune of approaching demise. Something startling is about to occur. Something, perhaps, like . . .

THIS!!!

Yikes! That is one unhappy 9-year-old!

Behold, dear readers, a glimpse of my childhood. To your left you will see my brother Brian, the oldest of our trio, who is obviously thinking something like; "Shoot me. Shoot me now. Take all of the 'cool' that you sucked from my body and use it to freeze me to death. You can club me with your camera, you can kill me with a plow. . . Mom, Dad or Stranger, will you please kill me now?!"

To your right you will see me, at age 8, just 14-months younger than Brian, and probably thinking something like; "Mom outdid herself with our costumes this year! I look like a fox! I think this bonnet might actually make my cheeks look smaller. It elongates my head, I think. Kind of a shame that she had to make the EXACT SAME DRESS for little twerp-o-rama, though. Oh I hope lots of people come to see us dance. Do I remember all the steps? Yes, I think I do. I sure hope I get to dance with Billy and not my dorky brother."

And finally, in the middle, weighing in at 4-years-old and forty pounds of glasses . . . Julie, who was obviously thinking something like; "I'm with the big kids. Tra-la-la!"

Junction City's Scandinavian Festival has been going on since 1961 and, at least in the 70's, very few kids in town escaped having to dance. Apparently all the child labor enforcement folks were off worrying about foreign sweatshops and completely ignored the kiddie cash cow of costumed children clogging their way into spectators' hearts and pocketbooks. The actual dances were pretty simple. Just hold hands and twirl around, maybe do some hand gestures to impersonate a shoemaker, possibly a partner switch here and there. The costume requirements were pretty lax, too. You were "supposed" to have a dress and an apron on if you were a girl, but as you'll see from this photo - they'd let girls wear a red tee-shirt and pajama pants just to keep the numbers up.

Now we can't see Brian's expression here, which is probably for the best, since his soul was certainly in mortal agony. You had to be a die-hard to do knickers and the hat, and, unfortunately, mom was a die-hard and a whiz with the sewing machine. I like to think, though, that he got a little revenge with the untucked shirt. Dad probably had to physically restrain Mom to keep her from rushing the stage to correct things.

My happiness of one photo ago has now been replaced with some mortal agony of my own; "Gyp! I have to dance with Brian and twerpy got BILLY! He looks so handsome with those orange pants and pointy-collared shirt. Man, he's groovy like Johnny Bravo!"

And hello?! Who decided that a four-year-old could participate? Poor Julie. She's just standing there in her saltwater sandals, lost in Candyland, waiting for a big kid to push her in the right direction. I'd like to think that her smile is stage presence, but I think she was just happy to be there, cute little twerp. (Note to Julie: to be historically accurate, I must revert to the musings of an older sister who had little use for a younger one. Nowadays, of course, I would never call you a twerp.) (To your face, I mean)

So what inevitably happened, is that around age 10, the boys would just refuse to dance anymore. They'd go on hunger strikes, climb a tree, hop a train . . . whatever was required. You know when Westley describes "To the pain" to Prince Humperdink? Dancing was like that to the boys. A freakish misery all their own.

To the girls, though, it was kind of fun. A lot of us kept right on dancing into the teenage years, getting into the more advanced polkas and such. We all dreamed of one day doing this:

(Note: this is a postcard from the 70's - photo by Jamie Hooper)

The adult groups were really cool! They had this one group (dancers pictured above) who were all youngish couples - late 20's and early 30's, who did some kick-booty Scandinavian moves! You'd catch their performance at the big stage (Festival Park) and then watch them stroll through the crowd on their way to the Beer Garden. Yes, the guys wore knickers, but they wore them fiercely. The teenage girls were, in a word, smitten!

I have not been back to the Festival since college. Most of the graduates of JC High School plan their reunions at Festival time. The Beer Garden is the big draw, I think. Nothing like sitting on a hay bale and sipping a brew to bring out the nostalgia in a person. At our 10-year reunion I was giving birth to twins in New Orleans. At our 15-year reunion I was teaching at CKU in Provo. I'm hoping to make our 20th, though. I would love to see my classmates and catch up on old times.

And maybe do a little dancing!

TPBQOTD ("You know, it's very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."  "Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.")

Comments

[Jen]

LOL! We all need a Scandinavian Fest to torture the children with, don't we? We had our own festival, called Green Valley goes Hog Wild, and yes, I did have my very own made-by-a-ninja-at-the-sewing-machine-mother-pig costume. I reckon your apron was much hipper!

Congrats on having a keeping-the-food-down household, BTW! Holidays are always so much more fun when they are spew free, aren't they?

[Edith]

Thank you Karen, for making me laugh so often! I love your witty style of writing!
Your very funny description of the festival brought back memories. At the celebration of the 700th anniversary of my hometown (in the Netherlands) I had to dance the traditional dances in a übercostume with hat and apron and so on - made by my enthousiastic mom. What is it with these moms? :-) At the tender age of 7, I was very happy that this festival would not return for 50 years...

[Heather Moll]

ROTFLOL!!!!! Wow, those are quite the costumes!! I love reading your blog! I'm always guaranteed to be in a better mood after reading it!

[Angie Aubrey]

Karen--
I've been reading your blog for some time. I am friends with Julie's in-laws here in Tennessee.

Thank you for (unending) opportunities to laugh. I appreciate your ability to put my thoughts into words. . . even though I never endured a Scandanavian Festival.

Thanks for the memories! (yours, at least)

[Angie Aubrey]

. . .oh, I like the PB quotes, too! Thanks!

[Gretchen]

CLASSIC!!!

and about the waffles... no judging here. I own a waffle maker and I'd rather buy the frozen ones.

[meg]

freakish!

your were a beautiful little girl.....my daughter looks a like you... altho you didn't spend your early years throwing uup did you?

you know that I torture my boy once a week....yeap he goes to tap class....he wears the same expression as your did.

Meg

[jules]

Tears are still sliding down my face - I look like a slow blind squirrel. FUNNY stuff, Karen - funny.

[Jana]

Hilarity! We finally made it to Junction City's Scandanavian festival a couple years ago...sweltering hot August day, the best part was the ride there and back in my folks' air conditioned car! Sad that's all I remember of the day...aside from the smell of hot oil cooking fatty bread thingies! Think the heat melted brain cells, and it's why I don't remember much...

You make a darling dance trio tho---your Mom is a wiz at the sewing machine :)!

[Teresa Luna]

I am laughing out loud and had to write. I even had to send the link to my mother to check out. Everything is so totally true - I even have my own picture of me and my little brother Mitchell and I in our costumes dancing at the festival. Your right - what a sick right of passage we were all forced to go through. Oh - those were the days.

[Jenn Owen]

Note to self: Don't drink anything when reading Karen's blog--that is an automatic out-the-nose, which is not fun with the carbonation of 7-Up.

[chmezzetti]

I am laughing to hard...*tears rolling down my cheeks*...gosh girl you are too funny!

hugs

[Cat]

I am totally planning my vacation around the JC Scandinavian festival now... I will start sewing my girls' costumes this very instant!

*guffaw* - those pictures are heee-larious! And pretty darn cute. I applaud your resolve not to make Karl don such a costume and do a folk dance.

And how could I judge you for not owning a waffle iron? Although, I will admit, that we do OWN a waffle iron and use it regularly... I do buy "uncrustables" pre-made PB&J sandwiches. You say tomAto, I say to-mah-to. Birds of a feather and all that...

[Becky Thompson]

Do you KNOW how hard it is to laugh when you're coughing up a lung at the same time?? Dang girl...you've got to start putting laugh ratings on these entries or something. You weren't kidding when you said you had a funny post today! LOL

This whole post reminds me of a childhood memory of my own. I may have to use it as a blog entry for tomorrow.

...still coughing and laughing....(but thankfully not drinking, too!)

[Amy B-perumbula]

I'm giggling. my brain stopped producing words. just laughing. oh my. Your poor brother. my heart weeps for your 8 year old self having to dance with a *gasp* brother. to the pain indeed.

[corinne5]

OMH laughing out loud here! Your poor brother! It seriously looks like he has built a trauma for the rest of his life, lol!
Thank you for sharing this child memory!
have fun today!

corinnexxx

[Laura]

Living in Corvallis for the past 10 years, we've trekked down to the JC SF...and I've never once considered it from the perspective of the dancing kids. OMG, it's a snort factor of 10 out of 10. LOL I'll never look at it the same way again!

And can you tell me: What's up with those meat pie things that people stand in line for over an hour for???

[Michelle]

Again...too funny!

Love all the Princess Bride quotes - my favorite movie. :)

[joanna]

hahahahahahahahhahahahahah!!! Your poor brother!! You look adorable, as always!

[Mimi]

Bwahahaahhahahahaa! How very cool!

[Annabet]

I haven't laughed that hard in a looong time! After surving a weekend of sub-zero temperatures and trying to save all the calves born (apparently the mama's thought
-12 would be an ideal temperature in which to give birth), I needed that! Thanks once again. Speaking of CKU-Provo, registration is tomorrow. Wanna go with me - incognito?? You could wear your "Europe" shirt! I'm serious!! AB

[Tifani]

Alicia (my mom) says that if you stay in JC long enough you force your kids to do... *snickering*

LOL
Yeah... my mom had it in for us too...

[Sande]

OMG! This was another 'ab-workout' post! ROTFLMBO post! Those photos and your commentary...you really should do standup Karen! That look on Brian's face...holy cow...pure torture. My mom used to make us perform (sing and dance)while she accompanied us on an autoharp, in the annual Citrus Fair in our town. I have the trophies to prove it, we were practically celebrities, my brother and I, we won so many times (it was a small town). In fact, he won so much, they finally made him the MC of the talent show so he would compete anymore. Now you've made me want to go dig up those photos of us in our costumes. Scary thought! It's good to know I wasn't the only kid whose mother thought was destined for the silver screen. Looks like you and Brian had a pretty good "Fred & Ginger" routine going on!

[Mary L.]

So, where's the layout? Fun-nee stuff! Especially like the part about the background girl in pj pants. HEEEE!

[Karen Russell]

I just woke up the baby laughing so hard - K2

[Danea]

ROFLOL! Those pictures are so stinkin' funny. You did look pretty impressed in the first one, I think that is why your bro's expression looks so hilarious!

Aaaw what parents do! ;)

[Brooke]

I grew up in Sweet Home Oregon so just a hop skip and jump away. Luckily for the guys in our town we had the 'sportsman' festival, but no cute costumes. I laughed so hard at your story I think I need a nap!

[pj]

hahahahahha. OMG, that first pick and narrative has me rolling. Great story.

I'll never forget my first play at school in second grade as a ballerina - my grandmom made the cutest tutu you ever saw and I got to dance with the absolute cutest guy in school. All us girls thought he was rad and there I WAS, the bell of the ball sliding around in circles with the coolest guy in school. I think he's someone's house-boy in CA right now, or so I heard. haha. But at the time I just thought that was the BEST day of my life. hahaha. But I can still see that tutu like it was yesterday.

[Jayne]

Thanks for the smile and giggle for the day!

[Dianne Nelson]

I'm in Albany, OR and have never made it to the JC Scandinavian Festival, although I've driven through JC many times. The funniest part for me was your sister's description of the "slow blind squirrel"

Thanks!
Dianne

[Rachel a.ka. Lunchlady (2peas)]

I'm gonna stinkin' laugh about those photos and your story all day!!! CRACK ME UP!!!
That is so funny!! Reality is always more funny than fiction!!!